Day 11 - 12 - 13

Total Weight Loss: 5 lbs

So haven't been in much of a mood to blog...too much stress has made me become a recluse - even as far as the computer is concerned. I feel pretty maxed out and even came to a point where I was ready to throw away many things out of my personal life (including relationships).

Needless to say, all the stress has not really changed my eating habits. I have stuck to my morning regimen of supplements and meal replacement shakes and have really tried to watch what I eat. I weighed in today and lost another pound. Maybe if I wasn't so lazy I would lose more. I've lost a total of 5 pounds without going to the gym since I started this quest. Maybe I will go back tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day.

I am still struggling with my sugar cravings. On Friday I am sure I looked like I was withdrawing from heroin...I was having a crazy sugar craving - it almost hurt. So strange but true. I finally went to my office and shoved a piece of sugar free gum in my mouth and chewed that gum to death! Maybe that is why I had a headache! I wish there was something I could do to stop these sugar cravings or make weening myself from sugar easier - They need to make antabuse for sugar addicts. (for those who don't know, antabuse is a prescription given to extreme alcohol addicts to help them dry out). Either way, there has got to be something that could help. I struggle with sugar cravings at least 3 times a day...and it is bad. It's indescribable, really.

Any suggestions, let me know. I know losing another pound is good - and is better than gaining - but I was hoping I had lost more...maybe next time. I just keep picturing what 5 pounds of potatoes looks likes and that is what I have shed in just under 2 weeks.

I go in on Monday (18th) to weigh-in. Keep the encouragement and suggestions coming! It does help tremendously!

Day 10

I swear, I do not understand how I can be such a strong person with no will power when it comes to food! What the hell????

So I am at work busy as can be...stressed that I cannot get one of my accounts to balance when Rosa walks in with a freshly baked (still warm) oatmeal raisin cookie from the cafeteria. UGH! Now I am negotiating with myself about how healthy the cookie is because it is made with oatmeal. NO WILL POWER!

Aside from the cookie I had my normal morning regimen for breakfast and a buffalo chicken salad for lunch. I have not eaten dinner and not sure what I want. I could really use a meal replacement shake and hope that the dishwasher finishes its cycle soon so I can use my blender that is in there.

Day 9

Ok...I am typing this without contacts or glasses on so hopefully I don't make any errors. Good way to see if you can really type.

Today was a struggle. The girls in the cafeteria made fresh bread. ahhhhh shoot me in the face! There is nothing better in this world than fresh bread. Well there are a few things better...but not many. So guess what! Today I failed totally! I had to have some bread! And now guess what! GUILT! If I could skip eating for the next 3 days to make up for it, I would. But that isn't going to happen. I just need to stay out of the cafeteria. I shouldn't eat that food anyway - it's usually loaded with carbs! I need to remember to take my lunch so I will keep my fat ass out of the cafeteria!

So......I did my normal regimen for breakfast and ate horribly for lunch. Tonight I am going to have chicken lettuce wraps - which are yummy and healthy - no carbs! YAY

Hopefully I will do better tomorrow.

Day 8

Back to work today - and I did have my struggles.

I did my morning regimen of supplements and shake and took my salad for lunch but today was inservice for the teachers at the school I work at...which meant danishes, coffee cakes and the like. I was offered some and guess what! I said NOPIE! :) That was hard because I love cheese danish. But I HATE my big ass so somethings gotta give, right?

I had a shake for dinner and the toasted coconut marshmallows dipped in chocolate are eye-balling me! When you have food cravings, do you hear it talk to you? Because I can hear them yelling "eat me! eat me!" LOL! Not really because then I would need medication and counseling...but they do look yummy! I'm not giving in though!

I really hope I make some progress for my weigh-in on Saturday!

Day 7

So today started off like every other day...supplements and meal replacement shake. For lunch I splurged a bit and had a bean burrito and a corn bread muffin (left over from NYE). I took a pill to block the fat so hopefully those work! For dinner I had another meal replacement shake.

I start work again tomorrow so I need to make sure I wake up early enough to prepare my new regimen. 5:00 am here we come! I already made a salad to take for lunch with 4 small pieces of buffalo chicken and some homemade low fat ranch. I need to get rid of the box of Gobstoppers I have in my desk at work! That is going to be a challenge - if anyone knows me they know that I love Gobstoppers (along with the half bar of Caramello...)!

It's crazy that I have now been doing this new regimen for a week and I am not tired of the shakes! It's exciting...I really love the shakes and look forward to drinking them. It helps when the things you intake actually taste good. Lord knows I hate the taste of most protein drinks! I have taken so much protein in the past that the smell makes me gag. But I cannot smell nor taste the protein in these shakes! YAY!

It has been a crazy weekend and I have not done any physical training. I am hoping I can get my butt moving tomorrow. I want to weigh in on Saturday and I need to have lost more weight to stay encouraged.

Holidays are done! Back to reality tomorrow!

Day 6

So...today was just like yesterday. I didn't feel very hungry so I had to force down a few crackers with cheese for lunch and then a shake for dinner. The bad thing is that I am now hungry for dinner and would love a big, fat, juicy steak but I had a meal replacement shake instead.

So the beat goes on. I am nervous about going back to work on Monday! That is where I eat and snack like mad! I went to the meat market and got some beef to make some jerky...that is at least a good protein filled snack that I can eat for lunch at work. By making it myself I can control the amount of sodium used and I know there are no preservatives!

The stress level is a bit lower today. We dealt with our issue and grounded a child for a long time so hopefully once she starts counseling she will be better :)

Day 5

Did not have a good start to the new year...experiencing some drama in the house and it is going to be a rough few months around here. Not a way to try to stay positive and keep a healthy perspective on my new regimen.

I still managed, through stress-induced exhaustion, to get up and take my supplements and meal replacement late this morning. During stressful times I usually don't eat much. I had to force myself to eat some crackers with cheese for lunch - just something quick to put in my stomach. Then, knowing that cheese is high in fat and crackers are loaded with sodium and carbs, the guilt surfaced and I felt like crap. Ugh! That only makes me not want to eat at all. Having been a fitness freak before, I already know that I cannot skip meals. That would be counter-productive. I know your body stores fat in times of deprivation. So - through the stress, anxiety and guilt I will get up and force down another meal replacement shake for dinner.

I was planning on going to get weighed in tomorrow to see if I had made any progress but I think I will just skip that. I need to work on some mental recuperation from all this stress and make sure I stay focused on my goal.

Thanks for reading! I really appreciate all of the positive feedback I am getting. It helps during difficult times like this.

...nothing like a "Keeping up with the Kardashians" marathon to put things in perspective...